Three Dead Relative Stories

Yesterday, I went to my Uncle Mike's funeral. I didn't take any pictures, mainly because I hadn't seen anyone on my mom's side of the family since I was in grade school and felt super awkward asking grieving practical strangers to pose for a shot with me. The one relative I actually had seen on occasion as an adult, oddly enough, was Uncle Mike. He had just moved to my corner of the state a few months ago, and I was eagerly looking forward to reconnecting with him. Last month, I was at a wrestling meet in his town and briefly thought about seeing if he was available to visit over a cup of coffee, but I was already in the middle of a super long day and just didn't have the energy for a visit. Boy, do I wish now that I'd made the time anyway.

Another missed connection that has always haunted me is that of my great-aunt Marietta. Unlike Uncle Mike, I got to see Aunt Marietta a lot through high school and college, as she lived in my hometown and frequented my parents' restaurant often. Once, early in our marriage, Adam and I paid her a visit at her house, and what ensued was a wonderful hour or two of her pulling out all sorts of ancient family memorabilia and expounding on the family history all the way back to the early 1800's. WHOA! I thought. Here is someone who knows all our family details! Whoever knew? I determined to return next time with a recording device to preserve all this info for posterity. Well, as you may have guessed, that recording session never happened. Aunt Marietta, and a huge swath of the family history, died a couple years later.

The third story is happier. In 2018, when Adam was in training over in Seattle, I went over with the kids to visit him. My great-uncle Al, the last survivor of my grandfather's siblings, lived in the area. I don't know if I'd ever really met him before, but he and my dad enjoyed visiting together whenever they could, and I thought maybe he'd like to see me, too. I arranged to meet him at a McDonald's. It was a challenging meetup, as I was wrangling three small children fresh off a six-hour car ride, but he was gracious and had lots of funny stories about growing up with my granddad. We laughed a lot, ate some cheeseburgers, and went our separate ways. A year or two later, he passed away, leaving behind at least one great-niece with no regrets.

I didn't know where I was going with this when I sat down to type, but I guess the moral of the story is to make time for the people you care about, especially the older ones. Uncle Mike's funeral was unlike any I've been to before, full of people who hadn't seen each other in decades saying, "Let's not wait until the next funeral to get together!" He was the first relative in my parents' generation to die, and one could just see all the siblings working through the horrible realization that everyone's getting older and life is unpredictable. Uncle Mike was 61, and I took for granted that he would be around for a while. Aunt Marietta was in her nineties, so I REEEEEEALLY should have known better than to put that meeting off. The future is not guaranteed, the past is gone; we only ever really have the present moment. 

Wait But Why has a thought-provoking blog post that I think about all the time; it visually lays out all the weeks you can reasonably expect in your life and what percentage of time you have left for things, such as how many days you will spend with your parents. Pretty sobering stuff. 

Well, I certainly have restarted the blog with a bunch of heavy subjects! Maybe now that I'm getting the big stuff out of the way, the more trivial will follow soon.

Whoops, I blinked and it was five years later

 Well, well, well, look who's back at the blog (it's me). There has been a lot going on in my life lately, but I feel really uncomfortable sharing things on Facebook. I always feel like I'm howling into the void of That Freshman Who Was In Music Theory 101 With Me, That Mom I Scheduled One Playdate With In 2011, and The New Acquaintance That I'm Hoping May Turn Into a Friend; and they have to listen to me howl on their feeds whether they like it or not, whether I have actually spoken directly to them in fifteen years or not. Despite being open for all to read, blogging feels a little more intimate because if someone is reading this, it's because they cared enough to navigate over here. So anyway, hi! It's been awhile!

Adam has gotten grayer, the kids have gotten taller, and I have gotten fatter. 

One thing that hasn't changed? My kids still don't know how to smile for the camera.

So what's been up with me? Probably the highlight up till this summer is that I got chickens, which should tell you how exciting life has been. We traveled a bit, the kids did sports, I made literally over a thousand pies, we hung out with my parents next door, I got involved in a lot of local groups like 4-H and the library board. Everything was swimming along for the past several years in our little remote corner of Washington. Enter this summer, when we up and moved to a different remote corner of Washington. So far, it has been fantastic for Adam and the kids-- Adam is really enjoying his job and the career possibilities that come with it, and the kids have made a ton of friends and have been experiencing amazing growth through the activities they're involved with here.

More sledding opportunities, for one.

 As for me, not going to lie, it has been ROUGH. Our new milieu is just fine, with gorgeous scenery and friendly locals; but I lost a lot in the move, and I'm not just talking about my cake pans. There's a lot to grieve about. I'd say the top three things I've had the hardest time with are 1) The loss of my ride-or-die people I could call upon for anything at anytime 2) the loss of identity. I'm not a homeschool group leader, pro pie baker, co-op facilitator, volunteer, or any of the other community pillar hats anymore. What am I now?? What purpose do I serve? Some days I just feel like a husk. 3) the loss of solitude. We are in a much smaller house and I can't send the kids next door to my parents anymore when I need a moment of peace. It is ironic to be in a place where I'm simultaneously lonely and surrounded by people ALL. THE. TIME. Literally 24/7. Psychologically, these past six or so months have been brutal.

This move has broken me in a lot of ways I wasn't expecting, but I think with time things will be better. In the meantime, I'm just kind of chugging along. In an attempt to plug into our new community, I abandoned my cardinal rule of One Activity Per Child (And It Will Probably Be the Same Activity Your Sibling Is Doing) and signed them up for all the things. I have made loads of acquaintances and become best friends with my minivan if no one else. We bought a house (first-time homeowners!!) and there is plenty in our fixer-upper to demand my attention. That is all probably worth several future posts, so I'll leave you on that cliffhanger there and hopefully write something else before another five years passes by.

How I told Adam about Baby #2

It is not news that I got knocked up a second time. In fact, it's such old news that I'm not even pregnant anymore, and the result is going on an adorable five months in a few days.

It was exactly one year ago today when I found out that Al was on his way. I had been feeling like I was on death's door with the most violent cough/fever combination I've ever had. In fact, it took me a good four weeks to get over it. Yuck! But one year ago today, on top of the usual symptoms, I started feeling a little sick. Hmmmm, weird. And then I suddenly realized that my monthly friend hadn't visited in about 7 weeks. Uh oh, something was definitely afoot.

So I took a pregnancy test, and the darn thing showed a big, fat positive almost instantly.

In between bouts of hacking, coughing, and lying down with the chills, I slapped that test in a hand-scribbled card and presented it to an unsuspecting husband. "I got you a very spoooooky card," I said.

He should have been suspicious right there-- a supposed Halloween card from the wife who may or may not wait to get his birthday card until a couple hours before he comes home from work on his birthday? Not that that's actually happened or anything. ;-)

This was about where the recognition dawned

Adam was super happy, of course, and pleasantly surprised. Frankenstein had nothin' on me that Halloween.

*Please note that we don't really think there is anything "worse" about having kids. It's an inside joke between us. :-P

Finding value in staying at home

Raised in a society where value is usually translated into money, I have days where I really struggle with finding value in staying at home and taking care of Baby D. Some days, as Adam goes off to a job he absolutely loathes so that he can kind of keep us afloat, I get a little embarrassed that I get to do something I absolutely love without contributing to the family coffers. I plan on at least teaching music lessons after Baby D starts weaning, but for now, I'm just working on getting an Etsy shop off the ground.

I know that I'm making the right choice, so here are a few thoughts that help me find my value on those off days.


*We do not have to pay someone to take care of Baby D. So my time is already worth at least $8.00 an hour. :-D

*Baby D is receiving wonderful immunities, saving medical bills, and getting some powerful nutritional and emotional benefits from full-time breastfeeding.

*The house runs more smoothly. The floors get vacuumed, the dishes get done, and no one has run out of socks or underwear since I came home.

*Now that I can stay on top of laundry, we save money (and Baby D's skin!) with cloth diapers.

*I left a crummy desk job that paid in peanuts. It's not like I gave up a great income or even a great career to stay home.

*I think for us, it all boils down to quantity versus quality. We choose to go without a lot in order to have a happier, less complicated house. Baby D has the security of never being far from a parent. I have so much more inner peace, now that life has slowed down and I can focus energy on the things that really matter to me. Now, if we can just find Adam a job he loves, we'll have the "quality" in abundance.


One of these days, we won't have to worry about the financial side of things so much. *crosses fingers* Do any of you SAHMs go through this? I'd be interested to hear your thoughts!

Fun at the Aquarium!

Yesterday was Adam's birthday! He turned the big 2-5. Since he's a big fish enthusiast, I surprised him with a trip to the aquarium! I didn't get many pictures of the actual fish, because it was too dark. But here's what I did shoot...

The birthday boy with the tickets! 

The aquarium was all decked out with spooks!

Notice my finished sling? :-D

The balloon ghouls didn't care that it was Adam's birthday!

How did Adam measure against the Gar pike?

A little better than Baby D did!

The way to the shark tank was fraught with peril.

Here are some fish!

We took a video of a really funny fish.

When we returned an hour later, he was still at it.

All the excitement was just too much for Baby D.

The whole family, on our way out.

And that was our day at the aquarium. I hope Adam's day was fin-tastic!

The Birth of Baby D: Part 1 (The Diagnosis)

Wow, what a crazy three weeks it's been! We increased our household by 33% and our cumulative cuteness by about a gazillion percent. Check it out:

I've had the bulk of this written for a couple weeks, but I've been just a little busy. :-) This was kind of a painful story to write, but I think it's important to share, at least for me, in order to get it off my chest.

PART 1: The Diagnosis

So, as I've mentioned before, I was having some health issues towards the end of pregnancy. On Wednesday, my midwives took a blood sample and sent it off to be tested. On Thursday morning, I got the call: it appeared that I was in the early stages of toxemia, and it was now necessary for me to transfer care to a physician. My midwife Heather gave me the number of a doctor that she highly recommended, and I called his office and set an appointment for that afternoon.

That afternoon, before the appointment, Adam and I made a very delicious stop at Famous Dave's. My mother-in-law had very thoughtfully arranged for us to get a hearty meal there; we just hadn't been able to have a convenient time when Adam and I would both be off work! So, we thought, "Well, we're not doing anything this afternoon, and who knows when that baby's coming-- let's go eat!"

Little did we know that this would be a VERY good idea.

After finishing off the last of those BBQ ribs, we made our way down to the doctor's office. Let me tell you one immediate benefit of midwife care: NO WAITING!!! Out of the two or so hours spent at the doctor's office, I think we actually saw the doctor for twenty minutes. Next time I go, I'm bringing a book!

So when we finally got to see the doctor, we did all the tests: blood pressure, urine, and... the cervical exam. Dear God, that was seriously the most painful part of the entire birthing experience. Contractions were nothing next to that! After all that unpleasantness, they took my blood pressure again, and for some odd reason, it was sky-high. Gee, I wonder why!

Anyways, the doctor left the office, and returned a few minutes later with his prognosis: my condition was starting to get dangerous, and he very strongly felt that the best thing would be to induce labor as soon as possible.

And the slot for "as soon as possible" was in two hours. The doc told us to go home, do whatever we needed to do, and come back at 7:30.

We drove home and I kind of wandered around in a state of shock. We were not prepared at all for Baby D's arrival! I had always thought that when labor started, I'd have some time to tidy up the house and do other last-minute baby preparations. I had Adam throw a random assortment of baby stuff in the laundry, because I hadn't even washed any of Baby D's clothes at that point. I called my midwife. I had NO idea what to pack for a hospital birth, because I wasn't supposed to be giving birth in the hospital.

So, we tried to relax, packed some things, and took one last preggo picture:

I tried to choke down some food, but for once in this entire pregnancy, I had no appetite. Good thing we had that giant meal at Famous Dave's!

The Birth of Baby D: Part 2

The Birth of Baby D: Part 3

What did YOU do this weekend?

I didn't do much...

besides have a baby!!!

The whole story will be coming later, but for now, I'll just leave you with a thousand words:

Why I love Tuesday

I *love* Tuesdays! Tuesday and Sunday are my two days off from work. Since Adam is home on Sunday, that day is kind of a "anything can happen" day, because it's all about us being together. But Tuesday, mmmm, delicious Tuesday, is a day that I can count on a few things happening:

*The floor gets picked up and vacuumed

*The house gets a good dusting

*The kitchen gets a little cleaner

*Some laundry gets done

In short, it's the day where I feel a little less like a housewife fail.

I know many women who derive a great deal of satisfaction from going to work. Getting out of the house, doing great things at the office, and earning a livelihood are what make life worth living for them. But for me, little makes me happier than the domestic life. For me, a job is just a way to stay in my castle for another month. :-P I find cooking relaxing, menu planning interesting, and cleaning therapeutic (even though it sometimes takes a lot for me to get off my duff and actually clean. I am human, after all). I hate leaving the house every day and leading a life fragmented between work and home. Perhaps it's because my parents have always worked at home that I love making home my work.

So this is why I love Tuesday, and why, come August, I will be leaving the working world entirely and doing the Stay-At-Home-Mom thing. Sure, finances will be very tight, and I know that I have some very frustrating SAHM days ahead.

But every day will be a Tuesday.

The Mother-In-Law!!!

Today is my mother-in-law's birthday. While for some, the word "Mother-In-Law" conjures images of the Wicked Witch, for me the word brings to mind a wonderful woman who managed to put up with my husband for twenty-something years. ;-) She is a great mother to her kids (including me) and is woman to look up to!

So, happy birthday, Mom, and enjoy all the presents and the cake!

At our wedding reception, with my brother Nate

Greetings from New York!

I know that I have been extremely slack lately in my blogging. Aside from all the houseguest craziness at home, I have been preparing an unplanned trip to the East Coast to visit the in-laws! So here I am in New York, hogging their computer. I'm sure they love me even more for that. :-P

(On a side note, I found out that they actually read this blog all the time. Time to start watching my language, LOL).

Yesterday, they sent me to Blockbuster to bring home a couple videos. When I go to a video store to choose movies for a whole group of people, I experience a mind-clouding bout of Movie Choice Anxiety. Is it too girly for the guys? Is it raunchy? Is it stupid? Is it something they've already seen ten billion times??

I came home with Unbreakable and the old The Day the Earth Stood Still, which are both pretty depressing movies. Dang it! Why didn't I just get Pollyanna or something?

Well, I'm going to get off now and talk with the family, eat their food, and maybe watch a depressing movie tonight. Cheers!

IT'S ALIIIIIIIIIIVE!

As you may have noticed, I have not been blogging for about a month or so. This is how it feels, coming back to the land of the living:

This is also a very close representation of what I go through every morning before I've had my coffee. That being said, I have been reading and somewhat keeping up with my favorite blogs- I just haven't had any creative blogging ideas for a while.

This has been a crazy month! I finally graduated from college a few weeks ago, thank You, Jesus. My parents came down from Washington State, and unfortunately, they were the only ones taking pictures, so it might be a few years before you ever see any graduation photos besides these two:

Yes, I am standing in front of a giant pair of hands. My university is like the Disney World of academia. 

Adam is such a giant compared to my family! I'm thinking my parents agreed to let him marry me because they were afraid he'd beat them up. :-P

Every year, the Music department chooses one instrumentalist and one vocalist from the graduating seniors to do special performances for the hooding ceremony. I was honored to be the chosen vocalist! So on the day of hooding, I got up in front of a packed house in my regalia, and started singing. A few minutes into it, I felt my mortarboard hat s.l.i.p.p.i.n.g. off. And then it just fell off right in the middle of a cadenza! ACK! Everybody laughed, but fortunately, I'm very experienced at humiliating myself in public, so I was unruffled. That's one hooding nobody will ever forget!

Tomorrow will be one week since my last day at the Mexican restaurant. I'd been feeling impressed by God for a while to give my two-week's notice, and one day I finally stopped saying, "God, are You CRAZY?" and handed in the notice. So now, both Adam and I are job-hunting. It's kind of an uncertain time for us, but I'm trusting that God is not playing some sort of April Fool's joke on us, and that He'll provide for us what we need.

Vive la France!

I am so excited, y'all. I am actually making concrete plans to fulfill one dream I have had for nearly a decade: to visit France! The costs have always been high enough that I would go to Travelocity and play around with itineraries for France, but never actually do anything serious about it. A girl can dream, right?

However, last night was slow at the restaurant, and I was bored... so I decided to rope my two younger sisters into going with me. :-P Adam's not a big France fan, so he's perfectly content to stay at home and let us girls wreak havoc in Europe. We always talked about going to France together when we were kids, and after a couple phone calls last night, I found out they're still game!

I love my sisters. Always so willing to make sure I'm not the only one being ridiculous.

(Wow, we all look so young! This was taken nearly five years ago, when we were all >18 years old!)

May 2010. We are going to France.